Today I did full revolutions with my right leg on the bike! This is huge. My left leg is not quite hitting the 90 degree mark but is close. Nate just got done saying this morning that I was getting close to making it the whole way around on the right knee and he didn't want me to be surprised if it just happened. I couldn't believe it went the whole way.
On the treadmill I walked for 7 minutes at 1.5-1.7. Very exciting day.
Yesterday things on the left were just terribly tight. Today though things seem much better and Nate, my physical terrorist, was able to really get some serious bending in the left knee during his manipulation. He said it was the first time he'd been able to get it that far. It hurt like a bugger. My measuements were the same as Monday, but I think I made good progress in some other areas, so I'm trying to be a "cup is half full" kinda girl.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Mom's Cookin'
What is it about you Mom's food and the comfort food from your childhood that does the trick? A week after being so sick, I'm still having trouble with food. Oh it stays down okay, it's just the look, smell, well the very thought of it that makes me queasy. Sebbie had some other obligations yesterday afternoon so my Mom came to stay. I made the comment to Seb earlier in the morning that maybe I could talk Mom into making creamed chipped beef for me; that might be something I could gag down for dinner. Well, it happens to be a favorite for Seb too so Mom made a double batch. I had it for both dinner last night and breakfast today. Mmmmm Mmmmm good! Thnks Mom.
Monday, June 28, 2010
A New Week, A New Mindset
This weekend my Mom told me that I need to stop worrying so much about the future - how I'm going to be next week or the week after, how I'm going to manage going back to work, what I'm going to do when my rehab appointments are finished, etc. This is a continuation of the convo Rick and I had last week. Mom says that, although I can't see it now, this won't last forever and that I need to concentrate on just one day at a time. I am going to make a concentrated effort to do that, and I'm going to say that this trait must be deeply engrained because I'm having trouble doing it. Already today, I've reminded myself several times that today is a new day and I can get through it better than yesterday. You're never too old to need your Mom.
My friend, Nurse Sebbie is my babysitter this week. Having Debbie here this third week was planned because she figured I'd need somebody to light a fire under my butt. She hasn't exactly said so, but I think she's pleased with how I'm doing. Now if I can just get past all the weepiness, the better I'll be. Deb says that it takes those nasty narcotics between one and two weeks to finally get out of my system. No one wants that more than me.
I'm still trying to eat and it's a struggle. A real struggle. Not that I couldn't afford not to eat for a few weeks or months obviously, but this is not the time. If I don't eat, I won't heal. I managed to eat some oatmeal this morning and when we got home from rehab, I was a bit shaky. I ate some cheese and crackers and it didn't go too bad. I'm hopeful that maybe I've turned the corner a bit and if my digestive system would get back to some semblance of normalcy, it would be a good thing indeed.
I worked hard on my exercises this weekend. My right knee hit 100 degrees this morning, and the biggie, my left knee, finally hit 90 degrees of flexion. This was a huge goal for me. Although, with my old mindset, I blurted out, "I really thought I'd do better than 100 in my right knee." Deb told me to knock it off, that I did good, and that I should be thrilled with the numbers. The truth is that I'm really happy with the 90 in the left.
One problem I've had is that I can't see the progress. There are no mirrors at rehab, so I can't see how I'm doing nor compare it to anything to see the improvement. My brilliant Mom suggested taking some pictures so I can get a visual. Smart woman my Mom. Although I haven't looked at them yet, Deb took a few today so I can get a look.
Today I actually walked on the treadmill! Ok, it was only going 1-1.3 mpg, but I did it! Doing not quite 1/2 revolutions on the bike, but in the beginning it was only 1/4 so that's improving too. That's something I can actually see. As part of the in-patient rehab program, I've been doing some knee bends all along, but it was hard not to use a good bit of upper body strength to get back up. Today we did them leaning a bit diagonally on the wall. This was so much better and much easier to use my thighs to stand back up.
So far today, it's been a good day. I'm trying to see it for just that and be happy with just that.
My friend, Nurse Sebbie is my babysitter this week. Having Debbie here this third week was planned because she figured I'd need somebody to light a fire under my butt. She hasn't exactly said so, but I think she's pleased with how I'm doing. Now if I can just get past all the weepiness, the better I'll be. Deb says that it takes those nasty narcotics between one and two weeks to finally get out of my system. No one wants that more than me.
I'm still trying to eat and it's a struggle. A real struggle. Not that I couldn't afford not to eat for a few weeks or months obviously, but this is not the time. If I don't eat, I won't heal. I managed to eat some oatmeal this morning and when we got home from rehab, I was a bit shaky. I ate some cheese and crackers and it didn't go too bad. I'm hopeful that maybe I've turned the corner a bit and if my digestive system would get back to some semblance of normalcy, it would be a good thing indeed.
I worked hard on my exercises this weekend. My right knee hit 100 degrees this morning, and the biggie, my left knee, finally hit 90 degrees of flexion. This was a huge goal for me. Although, with my old mindset, I blurted out, "I really thought I'd do better than 100 in my right knee." Deb told me to knock it off, that I did good, and that I should be thrilled with the numbers. The truth is that I'm really happy with the 90 in the left.
One problem I've had is that I can't see the progress. There are no mirrors at rehab, so I can't see how I'm doing nor compare it to anything to see the improvement. My brilliant Mom suggested taking some pictures so I can get a visual. Smart woman my Mom. Although I haven't looked at them yet, Deb took a few today so I can get a look.
Today I actually walked on the treadmill! Ok, it was only going 1-1.3 mpg, but I did it! Doing not quite 1/2 revolutions on the bike, but in the beginning it was only 1/4 so that's improving too. That's something I can actually see. As part of the in-patient rehab program, I've been doing some knee bends all along, but it was hard not to use a good bit of upper body strength to get back up. Today we did them leaning a bit diagonally on the wall. This was so much better and much easier to use my thighs to stand back up.
So far today, it's been a good day. I'm trying to see it for just that and be happy with just that.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
To Mine Brither
For those of you who know me well, you know that Rick and I have always been close. Even as children, we rarely fought. But, life has a way of intruding and even though we see each other at family events, we rarely talk otherwise. Rick always has vacation to "use or lose" at the end of the year, so I was comfortable asking him to take a week vacation to be with me post surgery. I was touched that he also managed to visit me both at the hospital and rehab.
Our week together started out great enough until I got so sick. Rick's a good cook and we had decided on meals. He bought everything and now here I am where I can barely stand the sight, smell, thought of food. But, he made a bunch of dishes which Brent's been eating and we're able to freeze some.
Rick was so helpful at PT and during my exercises at home. Holding me when I cry, encouraging me to go further, and telling me when it looked like it was better than the last time. I cried when he left on Friday night. There's just something about family that I need when things in my life suck.
Anyway, on Friday night Brent and I were trying to figure out how he could go for a bike ride to blow off some tension and stress where I wouldn't be alone. About that time, I received a text from Rick asking me if we could use him on Saturday. It was like a prayer being answered. I've been so worried about Brent - he's had his hands full and I know he needs the exercise to feel good. It worked out so good because I was comfortable with Rick helping me through my exercises.
Anyway, to mine brither who wubbers me, it's been a week from hell and I can't thank you or wubbers you enough.
Our week together started out great enough until I got so sick. Rick's a good cook and we had decided on meals. He bought everything and now here I am where I can barely stand the sight, smell, thought of food. But, he made a bunch of dishes which Brent's been eating and we're able to freeze some.
Rick was so helpful at PT and during my exercises at home. Holding me when I cry, encouraging me to go further, and telling me when it looked like it was better than the last time. I cried when he left on Friday night. There's just something about family that I need when things in my life suck.
Anyway, on Friday night Brent and I were trying to figure out how he could go for a bike ride to blow off some tension and stress where I wouldn't be alone. About that time, I received a text from Rick asking me if we could use him on Saturday. It was like a prayer being answered. I've been so worried about Brent - he's had his hands full and I know he needs the exercise to feel good. It worked out so good because I was comfortable with Rick helping me through my exercises.
Anyway, to mine brither who wubbers me, it's been a week from hell and I can't thank you or wubbers you enough.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Rationalization: A Good Thing
At 1:15 this morning when the terrible burning in my legs began again, I reconsidered the ultram. I gave in at 2:00 and gagged down a saltine with some gingerale and popped the pill. At 3:00 the pain had lessened but I wasn't sure I was going to get back to sleep. Finally though, I got lucky. Although I woke up several moe times, I was able to get the best night's sleep I've had since this begain.
I took another ultram at 8 this morning and headed off to my 9:00 rehab appointment. This is the first time that I actually cried during the rehab exercises. I knew that the goal would be to get my left knee to the goal of 90 degrees. On the stair stretch Nate told me to push the last few to just below scream level. Well, I didn't scream but I did moan and I sure did cry. My right knee made 97 degrees flexion but my left knee fell short at 85.
This is when rationalization can be a good thing. Rick and Nate decided that since I was so sick on Wednesday and was unable to exercise that I probably would have made it otherwise. So, I have this weekend until we measure again on Monday. I think I'll be at scream level a good bit over the next few days!
I took another ultram at 8 this morning and headed off to my 9:00 rehab appointment. This is the first time that I actually cried during the rehab exercises. I knew that the goal would be to get my left knee to the goal of 90 degrees. On the stair stretch Nate told me to push the last few to just below scream level. Well, I didn't scream but I did moan and I sure did cry. My right knee made 97 degrees flexion but my left knee fell short at 85.
This is when rationalization can be a good thing. Rick and Nate decided that since I was so sick on Wednesday and was unable to exercise that I probably would have made it otherwise. So, I have this weekend until we measure again on Monday. I think I'll be at scream level a good bit over the next few days!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
The Struggle
I prefer to think that right now some of my problems are the result of stopping the huge doses of narcotics cold turkey. I am so freaking emotional even I can't stand me. I cry at everything and I do mean everything. I get shivers that are strangely from the inside out. Brent and my brother have to be so tired of seeing me snivel.
The big trial has been figuring out what to do about the drug issue. The surgeon called in two new pain meds. Hydrochodone which is another narcotic and would replace the percocet, and ultram which is not a narcotic and would replace the oxycontin. At this point, I've been without narcotic pain meds for 48 hours and am not, barring any serious complicaions, even considering taking the hydrochodone. Although I have the withdrawal crap still going on, I don't want to chance that again. I got through my exercises this morning okay with nothing and then went to rehab this afternoon where I spent at least 15 minutes ...you guessed it...bawling my eyes out with all my craziness (not pain from the work). But, I got through the rehab okay. In fact, while I made no flexion progress on the right knee (still at 92 degrees), I gained 3 degrees flexion in the left moving from 80-83. Nate still thinks we'll hit our end of week goal of 90 degrees in both knees by tomorrow. He thinks I've made great progress, that I'm tough, and he guarantees me that I'm going to be successful. I pray that he's right. I'm not feeling too tough right now. I have some stretching to do tonight and I'm crossing my fingers that will help. Not to mention, I got through this with only the 2 regular strength tylenol that I took prior to going.
All this said, I'm not sure I've totally reconciled my plan. For sure though, no more narcotics. My friend Nurse Sebbie who is fine with me calling her at 2 AM, suggests that perhaps I should consider taking the ultram twice a day, at 8 AM and 8 PM. This non-narcotic pain med would be more like a super strength motrin with the anti-inflamatory benefits and the advantage of some pain relief. Taking at 8/8 would get me through rehab and the first part of the night.\
Last night didn't get really bad until about 1:30 this morning. My legs just burned like crazy, but they weren't that crazy pain that I had right after the surgery. If they burned like that 24/7 I might think differently, but early this morning I th0ught, Ok, if this is as bad as it gets, I can handle it.
I say this now, but believe me, I've had times today when I told mine brither that I just wanted to curl up and die. Some non-positive times when I had fears that I will never get better and that my knees will be like this forever and I'll be walking with a cane forever. Poor Rick. He had no idea what to say, but he did offer his broad shoulder to cry on. On reflection, that was probably the best thing! LOL
The big trial has been figuring out what to do about the drug issue. The surgeon called in two new pain meds. Hydrochodone which is another narcotic and would replace the percocet, and ultram which is not a narcotic and would replace the oxycontin. At this point, I've been without narcotic pain meds for 48 hours and am not, barring any serious complicaions, even considering taking the hydrochodone. Although I have the withdrawal crap still going on, I don't want to chance that again. I got through my exercises this morning okay with nothing and then went to rehab this afternoon where I spent at least 15 minutes ...you guessed it...bawling my eyes out with all my craziness (not pain from the work). But, I got through the rehab okay. In fact, while I made no flexion progress on the right knee (still at 92 degrees), I gained 3 degrees flexion in the left moving from 80-83. Nate still thinks we'll hit our end of week goal of 90 degrees in both knees by tomorrow. He thinks I've made great progress, that I'm tough, and he guarantees me that I'm going to be successful. I pray that he's right. I'm not feeling too tough right now. I have some stretching to do tonight and I'm crossing my fingers that will help. Not to mention, I got through this with only the 2 regular strength tylenol that I took prior to going.
All this said, I'm not sure I've totally reconciled my plan. For sure though, no more narcotics. My friend Nurse Sebbie who is fine with me calling her at 2 AM, suggests that perhaps I should consider taking the ultram twice a day, at 8 AM and 8 PM. This non-narcotic pain med would be more like a super strength motrin with the anti-inflamatory benefits and the advantage of some pain relief. Taking at 8/8 would get me through rehab and the first part of the night.\
Last night didn't get really bad until about 1:30 this morning. My legs just burned like crazy, but they weren't that crazy pain that I had right after the surgery. If they burned like that 24/7 I might think differently, but early this morning I th0ught, Ok, if this is as bad as it gets, I can handle it.
I say this now, but believe me, I've had times today when I told mine brither that I just wanted to curl up and die. Some non-positive times when I had fears that I will never get better and that my knees will be like this forever and I'll be walking with a cane forever. Poor Rick. He had no idea what to say, but he did offer his broad shoulder to cry on. On reflection, that was probably the best thing! LOL
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
A Giant Step Backward
Last night around 11 I started throwing up and 4 hours later was still at it. Poor Brent, I think by that time I'd gone through my last nightgown and he had a set of sheets in the washer. I don't think I've ever been so sick. After a call to my primary dr. and a 2:00 a.m. call to Sebbie, we were taking off for the ER. It only took 3 attempts to get the IV in, but then they were able to take take blood, give me fluids, something for the nausea, and something for the pain in my knees. Unfortunately I had taken my drugs around 10:45 and 4 hours later still couldn't keep anything down, let alone more drugs. They also did a CAT scan to make sure there were no blood clots. While I would suggest this is just purely covering their butt, it is nice to know that there wasn't any such problem.
The real issue now is a diagnosis. While it may be something I ate (Rick ate the same lunch and Brent ate the same dinner and they weren't sick), it very probably could be the drugs. Brent asked the Dr. if it's possible that I had been taking them for 3 weeks with no problem to now all of a sudden have a problem. The answer was an unequivocable "yes."
So now what to do. Our family dr. who wrote the most recent scripts isn't in the rest of this week. We have a call in to the surgeon. This is one of the problems we've encountered when dealing half in-area and half out-of-area. But in the meantime, my knees hurt/burn (although not as much as I expected them to) and time is a-ticking for rehab. One of the deals with the meds is that they get you through the rehab so you can push it hard. Since we didn't get home until almost 9 this morning, we called and rescheduled today's rehab for tomorrow. I've got to keep these knees moving, but I gotta tell ya, I'm just beat and they burn. I'm on a clear liquid diet for 24 hours (not that I feel like eating right now). But the big issue right now is what can I do to keep progress moving forward while we struggle to get someone to deal with the med issue?
I generally look for something humorous or funny to write about, but right now I'm having trouble finding something upbeat. My poor husband is dead tired not having slept in over 24 hours and is off to fill an anti-nausea script and buy clear stuff at the store. I've just about lost my voice (which could be a blessing for Brent), and I really just want to cry. But, that never gets me anywhere so I've gotta let the cobwebs clear, be thankul things aren't worse (like kidney damage from the drugs), and figure out WTH I do from here. I hate it when so much is out of my control.
The real issue now is a diagnosis. While it may be something I ate (Rick ate the same lunch and Brent ate the same dinner and they weren't sick), it very probably could be the drugs. Brent asked the Dr. if it's possible that I had been taking them for 3 weeks with no problem to now all of a sudden have a problem. The answer was an unequivocable "yes."
So now what to do. Our family dr. who wrote the most recent scripts isn't in the rest of this week. We have a call in to the surgeon. This is one of the problems we've encountered when dealing half in-area and half out-of-area. But in the meantime, my knees hurt/burn (although not as much as I expected them to) and time is a-ticking for rehab. One of the deals with the meds is that they get you through the rehab so you can push it hard. Since we didn't get home until almost 9 this morning, we called and rescheduled today's rehab for tomorrow. I've got to keep these knees moving, but I gotta tell ya, I'm just beat and they burn. I'm on a clear liquid diet for 24 hours (not that I feel like eating right now). But the big issue right now is what can I do to keep progress moving forward while we struggle to get someone to deal with the med issue?
I generally look for something humorous or funny to write about, but right now I'm having trouble finding something upbeat. My poor husband is dead tired not having slept in over 24 hours and is off to fill an anti-nausea script and buy clear stuff at the store. I've just about lost my voice (which could be a blessing for Brent), and I really just want to cry. But, that never gets me anywhere so I've gotta let the cobwebs clear, be thankul things aren't worse (like kidney damage from the drugs), and figure out WTH I do from here. I hate it when so much is out of my control.
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