I had my 4 month visit in Allentown today. As you all know, I haven't been too happy with my progress, especially in my left knee. I really thought the surgeon would tell me what many of you have said: it's going to take time. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
He came into the examination room asking how it was going and I told him I wasn't too happy. He briefly checked out the left knee and said he wasn't happy either. Apparently I heal fast and couldn't keep the scar tissue broken down despite doing all the exercises and driving myself and everyone around me crazy. He said that roughly 1 in 20 have this problem; 5% seems like a pretty high number to me, but what do I know.
It's good he doesn't have to open it all back up because nothing would have convinced me to go that route. Instead he'll knock me out, bend the hell out of both my knees, drug me up and send me home. He told me that I should have 120 degrees flexion following this procedure. I had a moment of panic when the scheduler asked if I had my walker and cane because I might need one of them to come home and did I prefer darvocet or tylenol with codeine. All I could think of was "here we go again."
I'll be off work the day after and will have physical therapy every day for a week. Much as I loved Nate, I think I'd like to find a new physical terrorist. If any of you have experience with a good one, please give me a shout.
The surgeon made two other points that are important for my sanity (and thus the sanity of those around me):
1. While I should be exercising 3-4 times a week, it should become more of a normal exercise regimen with the bike, elliptical, walking, with other stuff tossed in and getting away from the physical therapy type stuff. He told me not to drive myself crazy with it and just do a normal program 3-4 times a week. This is a relief because on the few occasions where I skipped something I felt so guilty and was so afraid...so afraid that my knees would have to be manipulated. And here I am, despite having followed all the rules.
2. My knees are going to take about a year and a half to be totally healed and for things to be "normal". This is good since I have been disappointed that things aren't great at 4 months. I will be more calm if I know what the expectation is. I think. I hope. Yes, I will.
In the meantime, I'm going to dry my tears of anger, frustration, and pity, and hop on my bike.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
18 Years - And They Said It Would Never Last!
Today is our 18th wedding anniversary. We kicked around a lot of ideas of things to do and ended up just going out for dinner and taking in a movie. Char's Bellamundo in Shipoke is always such a great choice. Then we went to see Inception. We hesitated before because I didn't think I could sit that long. It was a pretty good movie though, pretty complex. I got some booful posies and a great mushy card.
Love and marriage is a funny thing, and it definitely has its ups and downs. Our marriage is far stronger today than it was 18 years ago. The last few months have been so stressful, and Brent and I became closer than we ever have been. We have quite a bit to celebrate today and I'm very thankful.
Love and marriage is a funny thing, and it definitely has its ups and downs. Our marriage is far stronger today than it was 18 years ago. The last few months have been so stressful, and Brent and I became closer than we ever have been. We have quite a bit to celebrate today and I'm very thankful.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Breathe In, Breathe Out, I Am Calm, Oooohhhhmmmmm
Hit the hot tub this morning, then did my exercises. Nice and warmed up, knees moving okay. Brent came in and surprised me by taking a measurement. It was crappy. Still 110 R and 100 R. Nate's physical therapy must account for that 10 degrees flexion I seem to have lost. But, I am remaining calm. There's nothing more I can do beyond what I'm already doing. But God help the doctor when I seem him on September 28.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Book Club
I belong to a book club that meets monthly. I only knew two of the women prior to joining the group during its first year. Over the last year or so the group saw many changes as people left and new people joined. It's a diverse group, many of whom are attorneys. There are conservatives and liberals, over the top boisterous and introverts; smart women all.
While the composition of club changed, the members are an amazingly kind group of women. I know I previously mentioned that my book club friends gave me an Amazon gift card and dream dinners prior to my surgery. Last night I was able to thank them all not only for the kind and thoughtful gifts, but also the support and friendship they offered during my rehab. I received visits, cards, and many emails during the first three months. Some of those emails came from women I barely knew. One in particular blew me away with her kindness and thoughtfulness. I know who she is, but not much beyond that. Truly, someone I barely knew took the time to send me thoughtful emails, asking how I was doing, offering encouragement and support.
To my fellow book club friends who were not in attendance last night, please know how much I appreciated your friendship during the past few months.
While the composition of club changed, the members are an amazingly kind group of women. I know I previously mentioned that my book club friends gave me an Amazon gift card and dream dinners prior to my surgery. Last night I was able to thank them all not only for the kind and thoughtful gifts, but also the support and friendship they offered during my rehab. I received visits, cards, and many emails during the first three months. Some of those emails came from women I barely knew. One in particular blew me away with her kindness and thoughtfulness. I know who she is, but not much beyond that. Truly, someone I barely knew took the time to send me thoughtful emails, asking how I was doing, offering encouragement and support.
To my fellow book club friends who were not in attendance last night, please know how much I appreciated your friendship during the past few months.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Another Pound Down
After my big weight loss following my puking episode I've been slowly losing more weight. I've set small goals along the way and hit a new one yesterday bringing the total lost to 30 pounds. Thirty down forty-five to go. It seems like so much when you look at it like that. So, I have small little goals based on strange things. My next goal is only 3 down from where I am now, but hey, 3 pounds...if I'm good I could lose that this week or next. Right now that seems more attainable than gaining any additional knee flexion.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Another Inch Bites the Dust
During my afternoon spin I've been lowering the seat an additional inch after my knees ae good and warmed up. This weekend I've started out at that lower seat level. Of course, I've been warming everything up in the hot tub first. Tomorrow morning I'm hoping my title statement will be true because I intend to start at this new seat height. I can do eeeeet!
Speaking of doing it, kudos to mine brither who has nailed his first week without cigarettes!
Speaking of doing it, kudos to mine brither who has nailed his first week without cigarettes!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
That Time of Year
Yes, it's that time of year when the mornings and evenings are chilly. Chilly times make for great hot tubbing. Last week was the first I've been in since the surgery. It was a little dicey the first time trying to get in. I was a little hesitant - sure don't want to slip or fall. I used to love to get up on the weekends and hit the hot tub before the sun hit it. I'd take my bagel, juice, and a good book to the tub for a little quiet breakfast time. I missed doing that this summer. But, we're heading into Fall and I think I see myself resuming one of my favorite quiet times. This morning I hopped in, got things good and warmed up, then hit the ol' exercise routine. Things were really limbered up and I rode the bike with the seat down another inch. I live for weekends.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Cocktail de Jour
Last week was tough - very stiff knees for some reason. I thought perhaps it might be because I finished up the tramadol. I hit the hot tub at night and iced afterward hoping that would help with mediocre results. So I finally called the surgeon's office and talked to Molly. Molly told me that the doctor's cocktail de jour was one ibuprofin and one tylenol every six hours. I'm not very good at taking stuff like this but decided to give it a try. I was very consistent yesterday and whether the pills made a difference or not, my knees were a little better today. I'll do my best to take them as directed and see how it goes.
Someone told me I just don't get it. This isn't a finite thing and it's just going to take time. Apparently I like to rail against reality.
Someone told me I just don't get it. This isn't a finite thing and it's just going to take time. Apparently I like to rail against reality.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Lessons Learned
Today marks the 3-month mark since my surgery. Here are a few things I've learned since then.
Pick your spouse wisely. That part in the vows that says “in sickness and in health” doesn’t seem like much of a reality when you’re young and idealistic. As you get older, however, it looms as a much more important issue. With the state of our health care institutions today, someone who can deal with the doctors, the hospital staff, and the bills is a necessity. Someone who can deal with not only your physical well being but your mental well being too is priceless. I am blessed.
You can’t pick your family. If Lady Fortune smiles upon you though, you may be lucky enough to have a close, loving relationship with them and be able to depend upon them. Family knows your positive traits and they are all too aware of your faults. All pretence is wiped away: they know how to best help in stressful circumstances and you know their limitations. Count me blessed.
When you’re in pain or in trouble, you want your Mom first. Always. Double blessings here.
Have faith. I don’t often talk about faith with people and since everyone’s walk in faith is so different, I was hesitant to put it on the list. I'm not going to say much about it here either, but, it’s hugely important and cannot be discounted.
Have realistic expectations of your friends. There are the keepers, those you can count on through thick and thin. The good timers who will be around if nothing better is happening. And there are the acquaintances you rarely see who are in the periphery of your life. Usually you know who the keepers are and what to expect from them; continue to nourish them because they are important. The thing is that in troubled times the good timers and acquaintances don’t stay in the little boxes you put them in. Some will surprise you by giving their time, putting forth an effort, and supporting when you need it most. Try not to be upset with the good timers and acquaintances who lived up to your limited expectations and focus on enriching the relationships with those who positively surprised you. Gobs of blessings in my life.
Commitments are important. If you are going to do something, have the fortitude to do it right. Pushing physical and mental boundaries are never easy. Your spouse, family, and friends can be the biggest assets enabling you to meet your goals.
Patience is a virtue. It reminds me of a children’s song from a Christian album called The Music Machine, “Have patience, have patience, don’t be in such a hurry. When you get impatient, you only start to worry.” I have no idea how one develops this desirable quality, but I suspect that life is smoother if you learn to take it as it comes. I’m not having a great deal of success in developing this elusive trait, but I am trying. I’ve done enough worrying over the past three months to turn my eyebrows white.
Perspective is subjective. Just because your drama is not life threatening, it doesn’t mean that it’s not the most devastating thing that’s ever happened in your life. It’s important.
Count your blessings. Over and over again if you need to. Which apparently I need to do several times a day!
Pick your spouse wisely. That part in the vows that says “in sickness and in health” doesn’t seem like much of a reality when you’re young and idealistic. As you get older, however, it looms as a much more important issue. With the state of our health care institutions today, someone who can deal with the doctors, the hospital staff, and the bills is a necessity. Someone who can deal with not only your physical well being but your mental well being too is priceless. I am blessed.
You can’t pick your family. If Lady Fortune smiles upon you though, you may be lucky enough to have a close, loving relationship with them and be able to depend upon them. Family knows your positive traits and they are all too aware of your faults. All pretence is wiped away: they know how to best help in stressful circumstances and you know their limitations. Count me blessed.
When you’re in pain or in trouble, you want your Mom first. Always. Double blessings here.
Have faith. I don’t often talk about faith with people and since everyone’s walk in faith is so different, I was hesitant to put it on the list. I'm not going to say much about it here either, but, it’s hugely important and cannot be discounted.
Have realistic expectations of your friends. There are the keepers, those you can count on through thick and thin. The good timers who will be around if nothing better is happening. And there are the acquaintances you rarely see who are in the periphery of your life. Usually you know who the keepers are and what to expect from them; continue to nourish them because they are important. The thing is that in troubled times the good timers and acquaintances don’t stay in the little boxes you put them in. Some will surprise you by giving their time, putting forth an effort, and supporting when you need it most. Try not to be upset with the good timers and acquaintances who lived up to your limited expectations and focus on enriching the relationships with those who positively surprised you. Gobs of blessings in my life.
Commitments are important. If you are going to do something, have the fortitude to do it right. Pushing physical and mental boundaries are never easy. Your spouse, family, and friends can be the biggest assets enabling you to meet your goals.
Patience is a virtue. It reminds me of a children’s song from a Christian album called The Music Machine, “Have patience, have patience, don’t be in such a hurry. When you get impatient, you only start to worry.” I have no idea how one develops this desirable quality, but I suspect that life is smoother if you learn to take it as it comes. I’m not having a great deal of success in developing this elusive trait, but I am trying. I’ve done enough worrying over the past three months to turn my eyebrows white.
Perspective is subjective. Just because your drama is not life threatening, it doesn’t mean that it’s not the most devastating thing that’s ever happened in your life. It’s important.
Count your blessings. Over and over again if you need to. Which apparently I need to do several times a day!
The Quick Measurement
Nate took my measurements right after work last night. I was apprehensive because despite spinning in the morning and walking a mile at lunch and icing, my knees were very stiff. Also, measurements are typically taken after exercising the joints and getting them good and warmed up, but that wasn't possible last night. I walked in, hopped up on a table, and Nate did the measurement. I was devastated. Cold the good right knee was only 110 degrees (it was 120) and the left was 100-105 (it was 110).
Nate told me to be patient, continue doing what I'm doing and not to feel bad about taking a day off here and there. Well, I'm not patient and I'm just plain tired. I continue to ask, how I can be doing all the things I'm told to do and not only not make progress but regress? If anyone has the answer, I'd love to hear it.
Nate told me to be patient, continue doing what I'm doing and not to feel bad about taking a day off here and there. Well, I'm not patient and I'm just plain tired. I continue to ask, how I can be doing all the things I'm told to do and not only not make progress but regress? If anyone has the answer, I'd love to hear it.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Patience Required?
After work tomorrow I'm going to see Nate, my physical terrorist. I'm nervous about several matters. First, measurements were always taken after everything was warmed up and I will be getting there right after work when things are not so great. I will have no time to warm things up, so I'm really hoping this doesn't affect the measurement too much. But, what I'm really worried about is not making any progress. I don't get how I can work so darn hard and make such slow progress.
Nurse Sebbie and Kimberly both tell me that I should be paying more attention to the quality of my every day life and how that's improving. Well, I have moved the seat on the spin bike down two inches. Lately I try to warm up for 5 minutes then lower the seat another inch to finish up. I go foot over foot going up the steps, although I really have to think about making my left leg go up straight without compensating and letting it go out to the left. I try to go down the steps foot over foot but that doesn't go as well. I wouldn't say that I have perfected that yet by any stretch. I don't think I walk quite right yet. Things are still pretty stiff, especially when I'm tired or at the end of the day. I try to walk every day and if I walk at lunch, it's at least a mile. If I walk at home it's about 2/3 of a mile. For all I'm walking you'd think it would be prettier! I still don't sleep all that well but it's better than it used to be. Some nights I string together 3-4 hours and that's a really good night.
I guess it's still to early to have a real life because of all the exercises I still have to do. During the week I can only do the full program after work. It's hard to do anything in the evening except go out for dinner. Till I get the exercise done, ice, make dinner, it's time for bed. You'd think I'd be able to get two full sets of exercises in on the weekends, but that's been tough too. Friday we ate a quick dinner and went to the movies so I just had time/energy to spin that night. Saturday I did everyhing in the morning, Brent and I went for a walk on the Green Belt, and then I took a nap before going out to dinner with friends. You get the picture. Just trying to have a life here!
Friday it will be 3 months since the surgery. I thought I'd be further along. Do I just need to be more patient and not expect much until 6 months or so? I want to get back to normal!
Nurse Sebbie and Kimberly both tell me that I should be paying more attention to the quality of my every day life and how that's improving. Well, I have moved the seat on the spin bike down two inches. Lately I try to warm up for 5 minutes then lower the seat another inch to finish up. I go foot over foot going up the steps, although I really have to think about making my left leg go up straight without compensating and letting it go out to the left. I try to go down the steps foot over foot but that doesn't go as well. I wouldn't say that I have perfected that yet by any stretch. I don't think I walk quite right yet. Things are still pretty stiff, especially when I'm tired or at the end of the day. I try to walk every day and if I walk at lunch, it's at least a mile. If I walk at home it's about 2/3 of a mile. For all I'm walking you'd think it would be prettier! I still don't sleep all that well but it's better than it used to be. Some nights I string together 3-4 hours and that's a really good night.
I guess it's still to early to have a real life because of all the exercises I still have to do. During the week I can only do the full program after work. It's hard to do anything in the evening except go out for dinner. Till I get the exercise done, ice, make dinner, it's time for bed. You'd think I'd be able to get two full sets of exercises in on the weekends, but that's been tough too. Friday we ate a quick dinner and went to the movies so I just had time/energy to spin that night. Saturday I did everyhing in the morning, Brent and I went for a walk on the Green Belt, and then I took a nap before going out to dinner with friends. You get the picture. Just trying to have a life here!
Friday it will be 3 months since the surgery. I thought I'd be further along. Do I just need to be more patient and not expect much until 6 months or so? I want to get back to normal!
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